In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
you never un-have a 4some
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
