you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
