I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
