thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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