So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
