I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
