I just threw up on my dentist
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
