my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
