I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
