Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
