Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
