he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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