I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
