I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
