Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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