ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
