You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
