WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
