ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
