It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
