dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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