isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
