I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
