apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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