Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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