Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
