I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
