Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
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She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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