Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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