I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
false alarm, still single
Randomize
