Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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