You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I am naked and annoyed.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
