I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
