She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
