every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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