im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
