Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
