remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
