We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
