remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
