i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
