Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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