Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
