The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
