He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
