My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize