just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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