I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
