It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
