you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
