she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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