Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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