I don't think brook has ever known best
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
