he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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