I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
