And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
