At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
