he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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