I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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