i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
only you would photoshop your dick
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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