I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
