she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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