I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
