Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
