the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
