Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize